


in my veins

by thisapathy



Series: come sink into me and let me breathe you in [5]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4650096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisapathy/pseuds/thisapathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a collection of nonlinear drabbles that fit in with <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3657558">slow it down</a> and <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3765412">i love you, i love you (and all of your pieces)</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes Rick sneaks into his room late at night.  
  
No one notices. At least, that's what Carl tells himself. (He's pretty sure Daryl knows.) As dangerous as it is, sometimes Rick will fall asleep tucked behind Carl on the tiny twin sized bed. In the morning they both wake up stiff and sore, but it makes things a little more bearable.  
  
Half the time they don't even sleep, just lie together in the darkness. Those nights remind Carl of the nights at Terminus. More specifically, when he would curl up against Rick's side and Rick would stroke his hair until he relaxed. But now—now it's almost daylight and Carl feels Rick's breath against his neck and Rick isn't asleep either.  
  
He knows they shouldn't be doing this, knows they're a ticking time bomb, and maybe it's because they don't care or maybe it's because they have nothing left to lose; either way, Carl relishes these moments and if Rick's mouth against his skin is any testament, Rick does, too.  
  
Rick's kisses on his neck are soft and languid and Carl wishes they had more time, wishes the sun wasn't rising—almost wishes it was just the two of them again. And then Rick's mouth travels to Carl's jaw.  
  
A soft whimper from the baby monitor serves to remind them that they certainly aren't alone in the house.  
  
Carl tries to move, knows that if he doesn't get Judith up she'll wake the whole house within minutes.  
  
Rick holds him tighter. "Five more minutes."  
  
"Judith's awake," Carl whispers. He squirms out of Rick's grip, flips over and brushes their lips together.  
  
Rick grabs the back of his neck, hand heavy and possessive, and kisses him again. "You're a good momma."  
  
Carl bites his lip, wishes Rick wouldn't say things like that, wishes even more that he wouldn't be so turned on by them. "I'm—I'll go get Judy."  
  
On his way down the hall, Carl pretends not to notice Daryl lurking in the shadows.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm working on a request rn, but had this scene in my head and ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

He doesn't know how long he's staring out the bedroom window, but doesn't hear Rick come into the room. If Rick were a walker, Carl'd be dead. Maybe it's because they're in Alexandria, or maybe it's because he subconsciously knows it's Rick, but his guard is down. He feels Rick's arms around his shoulders and settles back into them.

Rick's breath is hot against the shell of his ear. He kisses just behind it twice, slow and sensual.

Carl closes his eyes, sighs when Rick's hands slip down his his belly and slide under his shirt. "We shouldn't," he murmurs. And they really shouldn't because there are others in the house, and Judith is asleep in her playpen not 10 feet away.

"You think?" Rick whispers, distracted. He nips at Carl's jaw.

"Judy's asleep," Carl tries again.

Rick grins against his cheek. "Then we'll have to be quiet."

Rick's fingers trace along the outline of his ribs. Slow kisses are pressed down the side of Carl's neck and wow, does Rick know how to play him. He feels Rick, hard in his jeans, pressed against the back of his thigh, and can't stand it, just has to spin around and kiss Rick fully on the mouth, hands tangled in Rick's hair, desperate and messy.

They barely make it to the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set in 5x13

  
The shirt Rick decides to wear to Deanna's party makes him unfairly attractive, and Carl scowls at the ground as he follows behind him with heavy footsteps.

In Deanna’s house he goes off with Ron and Mikey and distracts himself with cards. He doesn't linger too far from his father's presence for whatever reason. He tells himself it's because they're still not sure of this place, but that's a lie; it's because he misses Rick more than he ever thought he could.

The party is a nice distraction, though, until Carl catches a glimpse of Rick kissing Jessie on the cheek. That, Carl is sure, is the worst pain he'll ever experience.

He doesn't bother to hang around after that.

*

Carl doesn't even go inside the house when they get home, hangs out on the porch, tells Rick that he needs some air before bed. Rick tells him to make it quick; it's late.

What hurts the most is that when Rick needed Carl, Carl was there. Now that Carl needs Rick, wants him, he's nowhere to be found. (He is, but not like that.)

He doesn't know how long he's staring out onto the dark street for, loses all track of time until Daryl's voice startles him.

"Why you out here?"

Carl turns to find Daryl standing behind him, skeptical. Maybe Daryl thinks it's past Carl's bedtime or that it's unsafe for Carl to be outside alone. Either way, Daryl doesn't miss a beat, lights a cigarette and leans back against the porch railing.

Carl sighs, doesn't bother pretending he's not upset. He just shrugs. "Couldn't sleep."

Daryl nods, takes a long drag of his cigarette.

Carl grips the porch railing until his fingers ache. "Didn't see you at the party," he says. Doesn't even know why he's talking, really; he knows full well Daryl isn't much of a talker.

But then: "Tried," Daryl says, glancing over. "Ain't the party type, I guess."

Carl looks at him long enough to notice that Daryl has showered, his long hair feather light in the evening breeze. He's in a black button-down that's decidedly cleaner than anything Carl's ever seen Daryl wear, ever. Carl smiles at him weakly.

There's a long moment of silence between them. Carl figures Daryl's probably waiting for him to leave, but when Daryl speaks, Carl is taken aback.

"You alright?"

It slips out of his mouth before he means for it to: "Not really."

Images flash through Carl's mind, memories of time spent against Rick's lips and under Rick's fingers. He misses it so much his heart aches.

Daryl looks like he's aching, too.

Carl thinks, hesitates, and then takes two steps toward Daryl. He only has to lean up a little, and Daryl has plenty of time to push him away if he wants, but he doesn't. Carl kisses him slowly and with much more experience than Daryl probably expects.

Daryl doesn't even try to push him away. Instead, he kisses back, moves one hand to rest on Carl's narrow hip.

It feels good, it does, and Daryl has a beard and his lips are warm but it's not Rick's beard and it's not Rick's warmth and Carl hates himself even more for wishing it was. He pulls back annoyed, ashamed, embarrassed.

"Sorry," Carl whispers.

Daryl just shrugs.

 


	4. Chapter 4

"She looks like you," Tara decides, peering over Carl's shoulder at the baby in his lap.

Judith reaches for Carl's nose and he leans away, smiling. "My dad says so, too."

Speaking of—

"Carl," Rick calls.

Carl turns around, sees Rick motion for him to come into the hallway, turns back to Tara. "Can you hold her for a sec?"

Tara nods, taking her gently.

Carl goes into the hallway, sure that Rick is just going to tell him bye before they leave for the food pantry. But then Rick's grabbing his hips and pushing him into the bathroom.

He doesn't even have time to react before Rick closes the door, takes his face in both hands and kisses him hard. It's fierce and rough and Carl's been touch-starved for weeks. He ignores the faint voice of reason in the back of his mind, pushes it away completely, puts his hands on Rick's arms.

Carl's back hits the wall when Rick presses forward and Rick just kisses and keeps kissing like he's entitled to it. This brings about the discovery that while Carl definitely likes the beard, it's a little too long for his taste. He reminds himself to make a joke about Rick cutting it later but for now, he lets Rick lick into his mouth until his lips are parted and his head is tilted back and Rick's mouth leaves his in favor of kissing his neck.

Images, dangerous images, of them fucking on the bathroom sink with Rick's hands in his hair flash through his mind and he finds the fact that they're in a church oddly titillating.

Rick sucks at his neck as if his life depends on it, and this is so dangerous that Carl makes him stop, has to push him away.

"Leavin' for the food pantry," Rick tells him.

Carl smirks. "That was one hell of a goodbye."

Rick shrugs. "Yeah, well."

"You're coming back," he says without a doubt.

Rick leans down, kisses him, grins. "I know." 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place after [forgot who i was, but remembered you](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5268173)
> 
> sorta intertwines with 6x05 and 6x06 ~~because i live in a delusional world where Daryl, Abraham and Sasha get back to Alexandria before the wall collapses~~

Daryl joins him outside on the porch which seems to happen more and more often these days. He lights a stale cigarette, leans against the porch railing. "Y'okay?"

"Not really," Carl admits, because it's obvious he's not; he's been crying and his face is red. And he's lying if he says Daryl doesn't know about him and Rick; Daryl knows and they all pretend he doesn't. He doesn't want to talk to Daryl about this, but Daryl is the only person around, the only one who can understand. "It's my dad and Jessie," he whispers.

Daryl hums. "I heard y'all fightin' last night."

The color drains from Carl's face, not that Daryl can tell. It's dark, the lights are off to ward off the walkers outside. "You heard us?" he asks gravely. He doesn't know why he's so shaken; he's known that Daryl's known about him and Rick for a while now, always just ignored it and pretended like Daryl didn't know. 

Daryl hums. "Rick's a good guy," he says softly. Even softer, "But you don't gotta let him do that to you."

It dawns on Carl that Daryl cares and now he's starting to wonder if Rick was using him all those times. It didn't seem like it. He seemed intent on giving Carl everything he wanted. But now—now Rick could just play his interest in Jessie off as a cover but he didn't and  _Carl. I'm sorry_. Carl realizes now that Rick's been using him, and the hole it makes in his heart is a gaping crater. 

"It was stupid," Carl whispers. "It didn't mean anything." The more he tells himself that, the more he'll believe it, the less it'll hurt.

"Gotta mean somethin'. You're all tore up over it."

Daryl's right, and Carl hates that Daryl's right. He smiles weakly, changes the subject. "I'm glad you're okay."

Daryl reaches out, wraps an arm around Carl's shoulders, guides him into the house. "C'mon."

 


End file.
